a terraced rice paddy field with standing water, scattered palm trees, and rolling mountains in the background, resembling a tropical agricultural landscape as seen in the Philippines

Making Room for More: A Filipino Perspective on Decolonizing Therapy

When we think about psychology and therapy, we often think about the theories and approaches we’re most familiar with: attachment, CBT, ACT, person-centred therapy, mindfulness, and many others. These approaches have given us incredible tools for understanding ourselves and supporting change, and they continue to be an important part of my own practice.

But I kept wondering: if part of being a good therapist is continuing to learn, grow, and find new ways of understanding the people we support, how much more might there be for us to learn?

A lot of what we learn about psychology comes from Western traditions. This doesn’t make those approaches bad or wrong. They have shaped my own training and continue to be part of how I understand and practice therapy. But they are also shaped by the cultures and societies they came from. And if our understanding of people is shaped by culture, then it makes sense that there might be other ways of understanding people, too.

People creating an artistic circle representing collectivist cultures and communities

This is something I’ve been thinking about more as a Filipino therapist. Learning about Sikolohiyang Pilipino (Filipino Psychology) has introduced me to a psychological tradition that starts from Filipino experiences, language, history, relationships, and culture. Sikolohiyang Pilipino emerged as an indigenous psychology movement in the Philippines, particularly through the work of Filipino psychologist Virgilio Enriquez, who is often considered its founding figure (San Juan, 2025). Rather than simply taking Western psychological ideas and translating them into Filipino, the movement emphasized developing psychological knowledge from Filipino experiences and ways of understanding the world. This has been described as “indigenization from within” (Sevillano et al., 2025).

One of the things I find especially interesting is how much meaning can get lost when we assume that there is always a direct translation between cultures.

Take hiya, often translated as shame, embarrassment, or shyness (Escobar Toria & Davidsen, 2025). Those words can describe parts of the experience, but they don’t necessarily capture everything that hiya can mean within a Filipino context. There can be layers of relationships, expectations, responsibility, and social meaning within that one word.

And that got me thinking: What other experiences might we be understanding through a framework that doesn’t quite fit?

Maybe what we call “people pleasing” could sometimes be connected to deeply held values around family and relationships. Maybe what we call “difficulty with boundaries” deserves a little more curiosity about what responsibility and connection mean to that person. Maybe independence doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. Maybe “healthy” doesn’t always have to mean becoming more individualistic.

This is where I find the idea of decolonizing therapy interesting.

To me, decolonizing therapy isn’t about rejecting Western psychology or replacing it with another system. It’s about recognizing that there are many ways of understanding people and that no single cultural framework can capture every human experience.

It’s also about becoming curious about the assumptions we sometimes take for granted. What does family mean to you? What does responsibility mean to you? Where did you learn what a “good” person looks like? What does independence mean in your culture? What does healing look like in your community?

Colorful children's toy representing multiple perspectives

These questions can matter whether you’re Filipino, Indigenous, South Asian, Black, white, an immigrant, a child of immigrants, or someone whose family has lived in the same place for generations. A lot of what feels natural to us can actually be shaped by the culture, family, and communities we grew up in.

Learning about Sikolohiyang Pilipino has reminded me to be curious about those things, both in my work and in my own life.

You can love your family and still need boundaries. You can value being there for others and still want independence. You can feel grateful and hurt at the same time. You don’t always have to choose one side.

For me, that’s what makes exploring different psychological traditions so valuable. It’s not about finding one “right” way to understand people. It’s about making room for more ways of understanding human experiences.

I know I’ll continue learning about this for a long time and for me at least, that’s part of what makes therapy such meaningful work, there is always more to learn about people, culture, relationships, and the different ways we make sense of being human.

Adela Aguilar, Canadian Certified Counsellor, Blue Rock Psychology

If you’d like to learn more about working with Adela or another member of the Blue Rock Psychology team, reach out to us at hello@bluerockpsychology.ca.

References

Escobar Torio, J. J., & Davidsen, C. (2025). Communicative and cultural challenges to public participation in climate action initiatives: A case study of hiya among Filipino immigrants. Journal of International and Intercultural Communication, 18(3), 261–280. https://doi.org/10.1080/17513057.2025.2522889

San Juan, E. (2025). Sikolohiyang Pilipino: Vicissitudes of Indigenization in the Philippines. In: Gao, Z.Z., Medved, M.I. (eds) Global Perspectives on Cultural Politics in Indigenous Psychology. Palgrave Studies in Indigenous Psychology. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-96813-6_7

Sevillano, L., La Torre, J. C., Macapugay, K. A., Aquino-Adriatico, G., Bañada, R., Cadiz, M. P., Tabag, K., Bersamira, C. S., Duldulao, A., Maglalang, D. D., Sangalang, C. C., & Enrile, A. (2025). Atangs to kuwentos: The power of communal care as decolonial mental health praxis among Pilipinx Americans. American Psychologist, 80(4), 476–493. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0001475

A diverse crowd celebrates Canada Day in Calgary, Alberta, highlighting the importance of community, belonging, and connection.

The Psychology of Belonging: Why We’re Wired for Connection This Canada Day

As Canada Day approaches, many of us are planning celebrations with family, friends, neighbours, and our wider communities. Amid the parades, fireworks, barbecues, family gatherings, and neighbourhood festivities, something remarkable is happening beneath the surface of these shared experiences. As we express pride in being Canadian and honour the rich histories and enduring contributions of Indigenous Peoples, we are also participating in something profoundly human: our innate need to connect and belong.

Canada is a country shaped by many cultures, identities, languages, and lived experiences. Our diversity is one of our greatest strengths, and belonging is what allows that diversity to flourish. When people feel welcomed, valued, and connected, communities become places where individuals can contribute, grow, and thrive.

The desire to belong is far more than a social preference—it is a fundamental human need. Feeling connected, accepted, and part of something larger than ourselves is essential to our psychological well-being. Strong social bonds contribute to better mental and physical health, greater resilience, and a deeper sense of purpose (Baumeister & Leary, 1995).

So why does connection matter so much? What is it about belonging that shapes our happiness, our health, and even our survival? And what role does community play in helping us thrive?

Built for Belonging

Connection isn’t a nice to have—it’s a must have.

Spending meaningful time with the people we care about is one of our most fundamental human needs. Canadian psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), spent her career showing that we are “wired for connection.” Drawing on John Bowlby’s attachment theory, she reminded us that our need for safe, secure relationships lasts “from the cradle to the grave” (Johnson, 2019).

Johnson believed that thriving relationships share three essential qualities. The people we depend on are A.R.E.:

• Accessible – They are there when we need them.

• Responsive – They notice our needs and respond with care.

• Engaged – They are emotionally present and invested in the relationship.

When we know someone has our back, we feel safer, stronger, and more capable of facing life’s challenges. Secure relationships become a launch pad—not a limitation—giving us the confidence to explore, grow, and recover when life gets difficult.

Decades of attachment research support what Johnson taught: strong emotional bonds are associated with greater resilience, lower stress and anxiety, a stronger sense of self, and increased hope, well-being, and belonging (Bowlby, 1988; Johnson, 2019; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).

A young boy stands outdoors wrapped in a Canadian flag, suggesting Canada Day celebration in Calgary, Alberta.

The Parts of Us That Want to Belong

At Blue Rock Psychology, we help people build deeper, more meaningful connections—with themselves and with the people they care about. That’s why many of our therapists draw on approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Although these therapies are different, they share a common belief: we all have a deep need to feel safe, understood, and connected.

If you’re familiar with IFS, you’ll know we often talk about our “parts”—the different aspects of ourselves that carry our experiences, emotions, and protective strategies. You might recognize:

• A part that’s excited to meet new people.

• A part that wonders, “Do I fit in?”

• A part that protects you from rejection by staying quiet or keeping your distance.

• A part that longs to be known, accepted, and deeply connected.

These parts may not always agree on how to keep us safe, but they usually want the same thing: relationships where we can be ourselves, feel accepted, and know that we matter (Schwartz, 2021).

Connection Begins with Community

Some A.R.E. relationships are intimate and deeply personal. But the relationships that shape our well-being aren’t limited to our closest loved ones. Communities matter too.

While self-care has its place, so does community care. Every smile, conversation, invitation, and act of kindness helps create the kind of world where people feel welcome. Knowing our “tribe” will show up for us can help regulate our nervous system and strengthen our sense of belonging.

Connection doesn’t have to be grand or complicated. Sometimes it looks like checking in on a friend, introducing yourself to a new neighbour, volunteering for a local cause, or simply making space for someone to feel included. Small moments of connection often leave a lasting impact. And connection needs both givers and receivers—fortunately, both sides benefit.

A person holds a red maple leaf while celebrating Canada Day outdoors.

A Canada Day Reflection

As you celebrate this Canada Day, you might ask yourself:

• Where do I feel that I truly belong?

• Who helps me feel safe, seen, and supported?

• How can I help someone else feel a little more connected today?

At Blue Rock Psychology, we believe healing happens in relationships. Whether it’s within families, friendships, intimate partnerships, or our wider communities, connection helps us grow, heal, and thrive.

This Canada Day, let’s celebrate not only the beautiful mosaic that is Canada, but also the relationships that weave us together. Because when people feel connected, communities flourish—and so do we.

Jodie Purnell, Registered Psychologist, Owner – Blue Rock Psychology

If you’d like to learn more about working with Jodie or another member of the Blue Rock Psychology team, reach out to us at hello@bluerockpsychology.ca.

References

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.

Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.

Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Sounds True.

Attachment Therapy

Attachment theory is the foundation of our therapeutic work at Blue Rock Psychology. Understanding how early relationships shape our present-day patterns is key to creating lasting change, especially in how we relate to ourselves and others.

What is Attachment-Based Therapy?

Attachment-based therapy draws on decades of research showing that humans are wired for connection from birth. Our earliest relationships, with parents, caregivers, and family, shape our expectations about whether others will be there for us when we need them.

These early experiences create attachment patterns that influence:

  • How safe we feel in close relationships
  • How we respond to conflict or disconnection
  • Whether we reach for support or withdraw when distressed
  • Our ability to trust and be vulnerable with others
  • How we regulate our emotions

Attachment-based therapy helps you understand these patterns, recognize where they came from, and develop more secure ways of connecting.

The Four Attachment Styles

Research has identified four main attachment patterns:

Secure Attachment

People with secure attachment generally feel comfortable with intimacy and are able to depend on others. They can communicate their needs, manage conflict constructively, and recover from disagreements.

Anxious Attachment

Those with anxious attachment often worry about whether their partner truly loves them or will be there when needed. They may seek frequent reassurance and become distressed by perceived distance or rejection.

Avoidant Attachment

People with avoidant attachment tend to value independence highly and may feel uncomfortable with too much closeness. They often minimize the importance of relationships or suppress emotional needs.

Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment often develops from early experiences that were frightening or unpredictable. People with this pattern may simultaneously desire and fear closeness, leading to confusing relationship dynamics.

How Attachment Therapy Works

In attachment-based therapy at Blue Rock Psychology, we:

  1. Explore your attachment history. We gently examine your early relationships and experiences to understand the patterns you developed.
  2. Identify how these patterns show up today. We look at how your attachment style influences your current relationships, emotional responses, and self-perception.
  3. Create corrective emotional experiences. The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a place to experience secure attachment—perhaps for the first time.
  4. Develop new relational skills. As you understand your patterns, you can make conscious choices about how you want to connect with others.
  5. Build internal security. Ultimately, attachment therapy helps you become your own secure base by being able to comfort yourself while also reaching for healthy connection with others.

Who Can Benefit from Attachment Therapy?

Attachment-based therapy may be helpful if you:

  • Struggle with trust or vulnerability in relationships
  • Find yourself in repetitive relationship patterns
  • Experience intense anxiety about abandonment or rejection
  • Tend to push people away when they get too close
  • Have difficulty identifying or expressing your emotional needs
  • Experienced early childhood trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving
  • Want to understand why you react the way you do in relationships

Attachment Therapy for Couples

For couples, understanding each partner’s attachment style can be transformative. Often, conflict arises not from the surface issue, but from underlying attachment fears:

  • One partner’s need for reassurance triggers the other’s need for space
  • A bid for connection gets interpreted as criticism
  • Fear of rejection leads to withdrawal, which creates more fear

By understanding these dynamics, couples can interrupt negative cycles and respond to each other with greater compassion and attunement.

Our Attachment-Focused Therapists

Our team is trained in attachment-based approaches including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Internal Family Systems (IFS):

  • Jodie Purnell, Registered Psychologist
  • Megan Stefanich, Registered Provisional Psychologist
  • Carolyn Kesler, Registered Provisional Psychologist
  • Adela Aguilar, Certified Canadian Counsellor