Gottman Method

Every relationship faces challenges, but how you navigate those challenges determines the long-term health and happiness of your partnership. Whether you are struggling with constant conflict, feeling disconnected, or simply want to deepen your bond, the Gottman Method offers a research-based roadmap for lasting love. At Blue Rock Psychology, we specialize in the Gottman Method to help Calgary couples build stronger, more resilient relationships.

What Is The Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy based on over 40 years of research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. By studying thousands of couples, the Gottmans identified the specific behaviours that lead to relationship success ("The Masters") and those that lead to relationship failure ("The Disasters").

The goal of this method is to disarm conflicting verbal communication, increase intimacy, respect, and affection, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.

The Sound Relationship House

The Gottman Method is built on the concept of the "Sound Relationship House," which consists of seven levels that every healthy relationship needs:

  1. Build Love Maps: Truly knowing your partner’s inner world: their dreams, fears, and daily stresses.
  2. Share Fondness and Admiration: Expressing appreciation and respect to build a "buffer" against conflict.
  3. Turn Towards Instead of Away: Noticing and responding to your partner’s small bids for connection.
  4. The Positive Perspective: Maintaining a positive view of your partner even during difficult times.
  5. Manage Conflict: Learning to discuss problems calmly and move past gridlocked issues.
  6. Make Life Dreams Come True: Supporting each other’s individual goals and aspirations.
  7. Create Shared Meaning: Building a shared "culture" of rituals, roles, and goals.

How The Gottman Method Can Help

Unlike some forms of therapy that focus solely on the past, the Gottman Method is highly practical and intervention-focused. It helps couples:

  • Break the "Four Horsemen": Identify and stop the four most destructive communication patterns: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
  • Improve Communication: Learn how to bring up concerns gently and listen deeply.
  • Heal from Betrayal: Provide a structured path for rebuilding trust after infidelity or other hurts.
  • Increase Intimacy: Rediscover the friendship and passion that may have faded over time.

Is The Gottman Method Right For Us?

The Gottman Method is designed to support couples at any stage of their relationship. From pre-marital counselling to long-term marriages in crisis, it is effective for couples dealing with:

  • Frequent arguing and conflict
  • Emotional distance or "living like roommates"
  • Infidelity or trust issues
  • Difficulties with parenting or in-laws
  • Sexual dissatisfaction

Invest In Your Relationship

Your relationship is one of the most important parts of your life. Our Calgary therapists are trained in the Gottman Method and are dedicated to helping you and your partner create the relationship you’ve always wanted.

Therapists That Use Gottman Method